ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE…
I think I finally understand why women leave. I don’t think men ‘fall’ out of love as much as we neglect it and allow it to die.
I remember falling IN love. As a young man I was caught off guard by a woman and found myself suddenly deeply intertwined with her heart and irresistibly attracted to her, body and soul.
But at some point the initial euphoria wore off, and then MY LOVE BECAME A CHOICE.
If we neglect our love, like a plant which receives no water it withers and dies. Worse even than neglecting it is taking love for granted.
A woman doesn’t give her heart easily, she chooses a man she expects to love, protect and provide responsibly not only for her, but her children.
It takes a lot to kill this kind of love and while its easy to see now in hind sight, I didn’t realize what I was doing as it was happening.
By taking her for granted, focusing on what irritated me and allowing myself to criticize, it’s like instead of watering a plant I was pouring poison onto it to kill it faster…
When we’re young and lack wisdom we often take the things we fell in love with for granted. Once that happens it’s easy to find and focus on little things that irritate us about our partner, hold onto grudges, and close down our heart.
On the other hand, regardless of where your love is, and how dead it may feel, it’s STILL A CHOICE, and even that withered plant can be resurrected.
MY ADVICE - ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE
1. Accept Responsibility
The love in OUR heart is based on US growing it, it’s not dependent on what our partner does. Our love may blossom, even while they remain the same.
It took time for the love to decay, so don’t expect a day or a week to change how she feels. If she’s ‘the one’ then win her heart back with no timeline attached.
First forgive yourself for messing up. You can’t move forward at the same time as you’re beating yourself up.
Then forgive her. As much as she felt like the most perfect and infallible goddess when you fell in love, she’s still human - she came with flaws and makes mistakes just like anyone else.
Forgive her and let those things go. Give her the safety and assurance that the past is the past and she can trust you not to bring it up or hold it against her.
3. Make Her A Priority Again
To CHOOSE LOVE you must show her she’s a priority through PLAYING and LAUGHING together, through WORKING TOWARDS GOALS, through DEEP AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS, and ROMANTIC MOMENTS.
Whether those moments are special dates, candlelight dinners, passionate sex, or dancing barefoot in the kitchen… do all the things you did naturally when you were first in love.
4. Never Stop Courting
Love isn’t just a word we say, it’s the action of everything we do. The moment we stop doing the things we did to win her love is the moment love begins to die.
She expected love to grow, and growth means doing more of what made things work, not less.
It’s not just doing more of the same. As your love deepens and matures it changes and your awareness of what’s meaningful to her should change with it.
She’s evolving too, and if you’re paying attention you’ll notice and respond to the woman she’s becoming instead of relating to her as she once was.
5. Always Stay Connected
To grow your love, focus on the things you love most about her. Express it through your words, your touch and your actions. Open your heart, give her the very best of it and focus on and receive the best of her in return.
Everyday your LOVE will either grow or die…
ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE…
Gerald Rogers & Graham White
1. NEVER STOP COURTING.
Don’t take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2. PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART.
Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space and always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3. FALL IN LOVE OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday.
SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4. ALWAYS SEE THE BEST IN HER.
Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5. IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO FIX HER.
Your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6. BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR EMOTIONS.
It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7. NEVER BLAME YOUR WIFE.
If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed.
You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you…
DON’T RUN AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET.
Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9. BE SILLY.
Don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10. FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY.
Learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED.
Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
11. BE PRESENT.
Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12. BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY.
Carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, consume her, devour her with your strength, and penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13. DON’T BE AN IDIOT!
And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14. GIVE HER SPACE.
The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself.
Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.
15. BE VULNERABLE.
You don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16. BE FULLY TRANSPARENT.
If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING - especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds. Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light.
DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17. NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER.
A stagnant pond breeds malaria, but a a flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Decay is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18. DON’T FIGHT ABOUT MONEY.
Turn money into a game and find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19. FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY.
Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE.
Always choose love.
ALWAYS choose love.
***ALWAYS*** choose love.
In the end this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
Marriage isn’t about ‘Happily Ever After’. It’s about working together, a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something can endure eternity. Through that work the happiness will come.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE:
Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.
Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.
by gerald rogers
The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. - Neale Donald Walsch